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By/Nov. 30, 2016 9:21 pm EDT/Updated: Aug. 20, 2020 2:08 pm EDT

Most married folks like to pretend extramarital affairs just don't happen — or at least not in their houses. But the sad truth is affairs do happen. They're a lot more common than you might think, and women are almost just as likely to step out on their relationship as their male counterparts.

'Despite over 90 percent of Americans believing cheating is morally wrong, a 2015 study published in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy says 74 percent of men and 68 percent of women admit they'd have an affair if they knew they'd never get caught,' said Michelle Crosby, relationship expert and founder of Wevorce. 'Not such a wide gap between the sexes and an interesting revelation on the strength of morality in today's world.'

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Now that we know women are not as opposed to cheating as we'd like to think, it's time to dive deeper into the reasons so many women are abandoning their vows. I spoke with several experts to find out, and while some reasons may be just what you expected, others might really give you pause.

Emotional cheating

Some may view emotional cheating as harmless companionship, but professional relationship consultant Chris Seiter says it's just asking for trouble. 'Emotional cheating often leads to physical cheating, and even though the lines are blurred when dealing with 'emotional cheating' I have found that it can be just as dangerous,' he said.

Seiter went on to explain that emotional cheating may mean different things to different people, but it all boils down to the same motivation: 'If you have an emotional need that you need to get met by your partner and you instead go to someone else to get that need met, then that would be considered emotional cheating.' He says some examples of emotional cheating include seeking someone else out to make you feel admired, important, reassured, appreciated, or approved of.

Attachment style

It makes sense that a person who is overly attached to their partner would be less likely to stray, but Charlotte Howard, Ph.D., says people who need high levels of attachment may be more prone to cheating for that very reason. 'Attachment style affects how people feel in close relationships and can make people insatiably hungry for more connection — in which case they might have to look outside the relationship for more,' she explained.

Emotional abandoment

Just because a spouse is physically present does not mean he is emotionally checked in, and for some women, that sort of abandonment can be worse. 'The urge to cheat can often emerge when women feel emotionally abandoned,' said psychotherapist and relationship expert Rhonda Richards-Smith, LCSW. 'The physical presence of a partner is never enough to sustain a healthy, satisfying relationship. It is imperative that couples communicate their needs and expectations regularly as these can change over time. Instead of making assumptions or hoping your partner can read your mind, initiate a direct conversation about the emotional needs that are not being met.'

Marilyn Williams, founder of the MEDIAN Center for Resilience and Brain Training, agreed, saying, 'In my experience, most women cheat (or explain/justify their cheating) because their emotional needs were either not being met, or were perceived as not being met by their partner. They feel lonely, ignored, not paid attention to, etc. Most of the time the cheating was not premeditated; they realized how lonely or vulnerable they were once someone else started paying attention to them.' https://treeclinic.amebaownd.com/posts/22979219.

Pre-menopause

It may sound like a cop-out, but Michelle Crosby, relationship expert and founder of Wevorce, says simple biology may sometimes be the reason for a wandering wife. 'Many affairs can happen during pre-menopause when women experience an intense flash of sexuality, biologically explained as a last chance to procreate, an urgent, hormonal 'going out of business' sale,' she explained.

Intimacy fears

Being afraid of intimacy has the power to destroy a relationship in more ways than one. Charlotte Howard, Ph.D., says those who have intimacy issues may still seek out that sexual companionship, but not with their partner. She says some people may be 'scared of intimacy in a way that allows sexual desire to only be felt outside of a deep partnership, because there is too much closeness with a partner to feel safe merging through sex.'

A power play

Sometimes, a woman's decision to cheat is nothing more than a tactic to show her partner who's really in charge. 'When women feel that they have no voice in their relationship, they may be more likely to stray,' said psychotherapist and relationship expert Rhonda Richards-Smith, LCSW. 'If a woman feels she has little to no say with regard to household decisions, finances, or future plans, the temptation to step outside of the relationship can be particularly tempting. In fact, some women may feel a gratifying sense of power and control when engaged in a secret affair.'

Smith reminds us that cheating isn't the only way to exert power, though. It may just be time for a serious discussion. 'If your relationship is headed this way, it is critical to evaluate whether the partnership is flexible enough to allow for better compromise and shared decision-making,' she said.

Money

You might not be surprised to hear that money may cause women to cheat, but the explanation for this is probably not going to go quite the way you thought. According to relationship expert John Gray, Ph.D. and author of best-selling novel Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, women are more likely to cheat when they have money, not because they're going out looking for it. Gray says a woman's financial success affects her testosterone levels, which, in turn, affects her love life.

'As more women are financially independent, they are less dependent on their partners. This increases their testosterone levels and lowers their estrogen which is a hormone balance more similar to a man's,' explained Gray. 'This increased testosterone can increase her desire for sex with a stranger or a one night stand for fun. On the other hand, married women who are less financially independent will tend to have lower testosterone and higher estrogen. This balance increases her need and attachment to her partner.'

Before you get all riled up, though, it's important to note that Gray isn't saying financial success will automatically make a woman more likely to cheat, just more likely to act on that desire if it exists. 'If she is fulfilled in her relationship, she is rarely even tempted to stray,' he added.

Revenge

They say hell hath no fury like a women scorned, and Rhonda Milrad, founder and CEO of Relationup, says there is quite a bit of truth to that. 'Some women have been hurt, betrayed or disrespected by their partner and decide to retaliate by going outside of the relationship sexually and letting their partner know. It's the 'see how you like this' lesson,' she explained.

Victoria Lorient-Faibish, psychotherapist and author of Connecting: Rewire Your Relationship Culture, agreed. 'Work to heal all resentments quickly. Don't let wounds fester. In reality, it is hard to be fully attracted to someone if you do not feel emotionally safe, free, and comfortable with them,' she explained. 'If you harbor resentment for your partner, it is difficult to be hot for that person

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